- WWJD? I know it's inevitable that a pop culture fad will lead to Christian copycatting, so go ahead and tell me now, are there cross-shaped Silly Bandz at Lifeway Christian bookstore yet?
- FRANKLY MY DEAR, THIS IS MORE LIKELY TO HAPPEN. Realistic responses to romantic movie scenes.
- HE HAS A BETTER THROWING MOTION, TOO. Red Sox relief ace Daniel Bard quotes Tim Robbins as Nuke Laloosh from "Bull Durham," and as long as he's not wearing a garter or trying to breathe through his eyes, I think Bard will be a-okay.
Who won't be? Bill Hall. He's awful. He can't hit, he can't catch or throw the ball (the two most important factors in getting outs), and yet because of injuries I've had to endure many, many stories that involve the words "Bill Hall"+"costly error" about games that the Sox lost.
- HEADLINES: "Fish talk to each other, researcher finds"
Turns out that they mostly discuss soap operas and "Jersey Shore."
"Toilet paper case gets messy"
Tell me! Did you squeeze the Charmin?! We're out of time!
- THE MOST AWESOME STORY OF THE WEEK. Now a former JetBlue flight attendant, the fabulous Steven Slater cursed out a passenger who wouldn't sit the heck down and ended up with his luggage hitting the attendant when the plane was taxiing to the gate, grabbed a few beers, abandoned the plane using its emergency chute, then headed home. Makes sense to me. Dude knew he was going to get fired, and I'll bet he'd been wanting to slide down that chute for years. I know I do!
- LOONY NUTJOB ALUMNI WATCH. Kevin Millen was a great basketball player for Raleigh-Egypt, graduating two years before me, the year my big bro Scott did. Kevin went on to play at Georgetown, then it went downhill. Fast. He was put on probation for stalking the coach and ordered to stay away from D.C.. Now? He ran for the Republican (ouch) nomination for the 9th district, and thankfully lost, because the dude? Super crazy.