Sunday, August 22, 2010

7th Inning Stretch Takes A While, Though

- Memphis Memories from Aug. 8, 1885:
The Terrace Garden was crowded yesterday when the baseball game in progress at Nashville between the Rock City team and Memphis was received by telegraph and announced, feature by feature, the score being marked up on the blackboard. It was the next thing to seeing a game and will doubtless take well here as the baseball fever seems to rage without abatement.

- HEADLINES:

"Investigators search video for clues in Shakespeare slaying"
Conclude the teens killed themselves, break for coffee and donuts.

"Tight ends have KU smiling"
Not that there's anything wrong with that.

"Mammoths killed off by climate change"
Obama declares: "It's all Bush's fault."


- The Grizzlies (I'm talking to you, owner Michael Heisley) are a laughingstock of embarrassing cheapness and achieve the ability to look bad even during
what should be the most simple of issues:
Rookies know almost to the penny what they’re going to get based on Draft position. It pretty much eliminates the guesswork of negotiations, making sure those NBA neophytes are signed and sealed long before training camp.

That brings Hang Time to the curious cases of Xavier Henry and Greivis Vasquez, Memphis’ two unsigned first-round picks. The two guards, taken 12th and 28th, have yet to come to terms in an almost unprecedented display of hardball.

But instead of the players holding out for better deals, the Grizzlies are standing firm. The rookie salary scale allows each pick to sign for up to 120 percent of their slot figure. In the case of Henry, the slot is $1.68 million for this year. The starting amount for Vasquez is $863,000.

Most teams usually just go with the 120 percent figure and wrap up a contract. The Grizz aren’t opposed to going there, they just aren’t guaranteeing it. Memphis wants that last 20 percent to be tied to performance bonuses, such as playing 70 games and averaging 15 minutes for Henry.

The contract dispute has put the sharp-shooter out of Kansas behind in his early preparation for this summer, as Henry didn’t take part in Summer League. Still, about six weeks remain before training camp. Vasquez did play on the Grizzlies’ summer squad.

Henry’s agent Arn Tellem isn’t too thrilled with Memphis’ stance. Tellem told the Associated Press that only one player out of 450 drafted since the rookie scale began 15 years ago has agreed to performance bonuses. The Grizzlies apparently want to triple that figure.

- Memphis politics: It's fantastic:
The jokes have been flying ever since this newspaper reported that (Memphis city councilwoman Janis) Fullilove wrote a letter to the president of the National Black Caucus of Local Elected Officials, apologizing for her “over-the-top” behavior during the group’s national convention in Memphis last week.

The behavior evidently included pole dancing on a Mississippi River cruise, which raises a few interesting questions:

1) Pole dancing on a river cruise?

2) How come Mark Twain never wrote about that?

3) What do they mean by the term “paddle” boat, anyway?

“I’m just an innocent girl working to put my children through school,” said Fulli – OK, she didn’t really say that.

But she did insist she wasn’t drinking. Does that count as good news or bad?

In a related story, Fullilove has reported an influx of campaign contributions, all in the form of singles.

You should see the woman’s pole numbers.

Possible new revenue source: A pole tax!

With a City Council like this one, who needs Platinum Plus?

- Meanwhile, in other "Holy Crap My Eyes! My Eyes!" news of the thought of Nancy Pelosi pole dancing, in her usual talented way of looking both dumb and evil at the same time, the Speaker of the House wants to investigate those who oppose the Muslim center near Ground Zero. HotAir is there to put it into perspective: "What better way to defend the First Amendment freedom of religion than to have the Speaker of the House ask the federal government investigate those exercising their First Amendment right to free speech?"

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