Monday, June 28, 2010

The Joy of Children

Funny baby stuff from Grif.net and Reader's Digest ...

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I had never been so zonked in my life. After my first child, Amanda, was born, my mother came to stay with me for a few weeks to help out, but I still woke up whenever the baby made the slightest sound during the night. One morning, I groggily asked my mom, "How long before I stop hearing every noise Amanda makes?"

Mom was obviously only half-listening. "Honey, are you coming down with something?" she asked. "You were coughing in your sleep."

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My husband is wonderful with our baby daughter, but often turns to me for advice. Recently I was in the shower when he poked his head in to ask, "What should I feed Lily for lunch?"

"That's up to you," I replied. "There's all kinds of food. Why don't you pretend I'm not home?"

A few minutes later, my cell phone rang. I answered it to hear my husband saying, "Yeah, hi, honey. Uh…what should I feed Lily for lunch?"

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My sister Susan and her husband, Frank, were entertaining for the first time since the birth of their baby. Everything ran smoothly until one of Frank's buddies arrived with his new girlfriend— a woman Susan did not particularly care for. Susan beckoned her husband upstairs with the excuse that they had to check on the baby. In the privacy of the nursery, she spoke freely of her disdain for the new guest.

When they went downstairs to rejoin the party, they were greeted with an awkward silence — except for the occasional murmurings of the sleeping baby that came from the infant monitor sitting on the table.

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Children's Books that Didn't Make the Cut

"Curious George and the High Voltage Fence"

"Strangers Have the Best Candy"

"The Little Sissy Who Snitched"

"Some Kittens Can Fly!"

"Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her"

"The Attention Deficit Disorder Association's Book of Wild Animals of North Amer-Hey! Let's Go Ride Our Bikes!"

"You ARE Different and That's Bad"

"POP! Goes the Hamster...and Other Great Microwave Games"

"The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables"

"Daddy Drinks Because You Cry"

"Babar Meets the Taxidermist"

"The Care Bears Maul Some Campers and Are Shot Dead"

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