Monday, March 16, 2009

It's a one-way trip from here

After several years of equal parts on-again/off-again adoration and head-scratching, Battlestar Galactica's two-hour series finale is next week. The artsy-fartsyness of the last several weeks is at an end, now the show can blow the special effects budget and kick some bad-cylon tail. And then surely get all artsy-fartsy again by the end and confuse the heck out of us by however the show will resolve its mythology.
 
At least they'll have wrap it up without the title ship, since it's going to be used as a sacrifice, surely, after the past weeks saw it stripped down by anyone in the fleet with a socket wrench set and a hankering for cheap spaceship parts like at a salvage yard. ("Come to the Colonial Strip Yard, where parts are cheap, and you'll feel like you got lucky off the savings!")
 
I kind of liked the flashbacks to Caprica pre-holocaust, though they largely served to depress us even more, what with Roslin's father and sisters killed by a drunk driver and Baltar verbally abusing his aging father. And what the heck was with the 30 seconds of my life wasted by watching a drunk Lee try to get a pigeon out of his apartment? Is it a magic pigeon? Is it a representation of Starbuck as a Starchild a la the confusing ending of "2001: A Space Boredyssey?"
 
So here's something I don't get. After the cylons wiped out the colonies, Anders and his ragtag bunch of human rebels were able to survive and fight back on Caprica. But you're telling me that after 2,000 YEARS, Earth is still a nuclear wasteland? Nothing has grown back? People still live and thrive in Hiroshima and Nagasaki and it's only been 64 years. Less than ten years after Mt. St. Helens annihilated the surrounding countryside in Washington, plants and animals were back and happy. Nature survives, recovers and flourishes. So what I'm saying is to the producers, that was lame.
 
And then there's this, humanity was in such a hurry to get to Earth, hey, now that it's a big fat disappointment, why not turn around and head back to Kobol, which looked green lush and stocked with water? Seems a decent place to rebirth a civilization, am I right?
 
Or am I thinking about this too much?
 
In reality show news ...
 
SURVIVOR - I never even knew Spencer's name before this episode, which told us that he would be going this episode. Somehow we're supposed to think that his being gay played a role, even though he never even got a chance to tell his tribemates before he got kicked off, because, ironically, he was playing like a sissyboy in the challenge that the team lost. In a private interview, Spencer tells us that he didn't want to tell his tribemates that he was gay for fear of them treating him poorly and getting the boot as a result. Really? Would anyone on the team care? Now who's stereotyping? This is a game, it's about building alliances and making yourself useful. Did he not notice that big fabulously gay Richard won the first season? Heck, the girls in his tribe might have liked him even more and been best friends once they realized he wasn't ogling them in their skivvies all the time.
 
Meanwhile, Taj and Brendan aren't very good at hiding their alliance with Stephen and Sierra, and Brendan is being targeted by his tribe for their next tribal council. Hope Sierra has a backup plan! I'd encourage them to bring in J.T., the 'Bama country boy, because that dude is the king of survival, whether kicking butt in challenges or catching all their food.
 
I love the idea that Charmin sponsored the reward challenge. That would have been a pooptastic reward! I would be so crude as a contestant in that episode, expounding on the awesomeness of having toilet paper after a big meal after two weeks of rice and beans, that Val wouldn't want to be seen in public with me. (Maybe Val won't want to be seen with me after all.)
 
HELL'S KITCHEN - An interesting episode, in which the battle between J.P. and Francisco the "fabulous" Bar Mitzvah planner got as much air time as the kitchen square-off between Carol and Andrea. Then, once again, something as simple as cooking a burger turns out to be the downfall of someone, Coi, who used to be considered a contender. Please, chefs, if you can't cook a decent burger, why are you in the business? Learn the basics before you move on to the frou-frou Frenchy stuff!

2 comments:

The Chipped Mug said...

seriously, did anyone really care on the last few Survivors when there was a gay man on there. Not that I am advocating a lifestyle but come on, who gives a rip (pardon the expression). I think they would have done better saying that he was secretly a legless ethiopian who loved chasing donuts down a hill than proclaiming to the world that he was gay.

Jeff said...

Will you crack me up. Though I don't know if that would work since an Ethiopian chasing a donut would just slip through the hole in the middle if he tried to grab it.