Saturday, February 10, 2007

Indeed

The latest quotable Vents posted in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution:

- “American Idol” needs to include on its application for the audition: “Have you or anyone in your family ever suffered from delusions of talent?”

- Why are rioters always shown beating up on some defenseless automobile?

- I am not a religious person but the story about the guy vandalizing a cemetery getting stuck under a headstone with a broken leg makes me think there is a God after all.

- I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

- We need a law requiring that all private citizens interviewed during bad weather must have an IQ of at least 100.

- News Q&A Item: 5,976 teen drivers and passengers killed in 2004. In Iraq, 848 soldiers killed in 2004. I guess it is safer to be a soldier in Iraq than a teen driver in America.

- Enough news about Barbaro already! Must you beat a dead horse?

- Where did “cute as a button” come from? What is so cute about a button?

- Why don’t we seal the border with Mexico with that stuff they wrap new DVDs and CDs in?

- About 2,500 Californians are murdered every year. It’s time to pull out.

- You cellphone addicts who can’t even stop yapping when you’re sitting on the toilet in a public restroom need some serious help.

- Ah, February. Time for the auto dealerships to prove their intelligence by issuing temporary tags that expire on Feb. 30.

- San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom had an affair with a staffer’s wife? I’m shocked! Who would have guessed there were any heterosexuals there?

- When the Clintons move back into the White House, are they going to bring back the stuff they stole when they left?

- I finally figured it out: Non-denominational means the church gladly takes fives, tens and twenties.

- The FCC should make a rule that no commercial shall run more than 100 times on a network.

- Hey, CBS, how about windshield wipers for your Super Bowl cameras?

- Hey weatherman, the next time you predict snow and ice and school closings, and it doesn’t happen, you can explain it to my kids. (Jeff note: And MY Wife!)

- I recorded the big game commercials so I can watch them later without all of those football interruptions.

- The best place to be at all times is someplace someone told you you’re not supposed to be.

- Shouldn’t the astronaut charged with attempted murder be considered a serious flight risk?

- I told my church that drinking a beer doesn’t make me unworthy of being a Sunday school teacher. But then they said it wasn’t even allowed on the premises.

- On the way home from work today, I called my wife and told her to go ahead and get the fight started, I’d be there in a minute.

- You may want to look at your drinking and eating habits when a friend looks in your grocery cart and asks you if you are having a party — and you are not.

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