Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Airing of grievances

The latest quotable Vents posted in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution:

- Isn’t it a little weird that Nikki Taylor, who nearly died in a car wreck, just married a guy who races cars for a living? (Jeff note: This one was by our own Michael Christopher)

- Seen on bumper: "If you object to logging, try using plastic toilet paper."

- The Legislature is in session. Make sure the hand in your pocket is your own!

- My middle-aged friend just bought his first hat. He said it is more affordable than Rogaine.

- My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, I don't remember nearly as much.

- If the Republicans had called for a five-day workweek and then canceled House sessions for a nighttime college football game, the AJC would have made it a front-page story.

- I visited a friend who lives in a gated community, and boy, was I impressed. My crummy subdivision only has speed bumps. They have “residential speed control devices.”

- I could win both the Powerball and Big Game jackpots tonight and still not get as much as a fired CEO.

- I’ve discovered those new 50 percent-less sodium soups on the market taste pretty good. They just need a little more salt.

- A man spoke frantically into the phone: “My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!” “Is this her first child?” the doctor asked. “No!” the man shouted, “This is her husband!”

- Has anyone ever actually slipped on a banana peel?

- AutoBarackaphy: A tell-all memoir written at the beginning of one’s political career rather than the end.

- I told my wife that if something I said could be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you mad, I meant the other way.

- Liberals on Iraq sound like those namby-pamby parents who tell their kids that "Winning isn't as important as how you play the game."

- Would the study of which “ology” is which be called “ologyology”?

- My friend denied having a beer gut. He calls it a liquid grain storage facility.

- The media crucified George Bush for past alcohol use. Now that media darling Barack Obama has admitted using marijuana and cocaine, it will be interesting to see the media reaction.

- The Legislature is in session. Do not stand in front of the fan.

- After days and days of testing, New York City has identified the unusual smell in the city as “fresh air.”

- When the members of the American Dialect Society greet each other, do you think they say, “What’s the latest word?”

- I’m not fat because I am lazy. I am fat because a bacon cheeseburger and french fries taste a whole let better than steamed veggies.

- It is not politically correct to say your wife nags you. She’s only being “verbally repetitive.”


My Vents:

- Civil rights used to be about treating everyone the same. But today some people are so used to special treatment that equal treatment is considered to be discrimination. (Courtesy Thomas Sowell)

- As I sit in yet another traffic jam on the Downtown Connector at 5:30 p.m., I can't help but look around at the other cars and wonder, "Oprah doesn't have to put up with this, why should I?"

- So if government can raise wages by decree, why are the popular proposals so stingy? What good is a measly buck or two extra? Let's really do something for the poor. Let's raise the minimum wage to $20 an hour. Even better, $50! (Courtesy John Stossel)

- It's not that I don't believe email couldn't come back in time from the year 2038, but I'm pretty confident that those are from spammers.

- Fine, I'm a chickenhawk, as is every single liberal who advocates U.S. aid to Darfur and doesn't enlist as a peacekeeper to fight the Sudanese government.

3 comments:

Pandora said...

- Liberals on Iraq sound like those namby-pamby parents who tell their kids that "Winning isn't as important as how you play the game."

?? Do you disagree with that statement? Or are you like the dad in Little Miss Sunshine and you have to win so you're not a loser?

Pandora said...

..That came across harsher than I meant it. Shoulda put a smiley -

:)
:)
:)
:)

Jeff said...

Playing to win isn't such a bad thing. If I had more room I would have added, "and don't keep score for fear of their feelings being hurt."